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Without empathy
There can be no understanding

Without understanding
There can be no love

If you desire empathy
Offer it

If you seek to be understood
Try to understand

But realize it can happen
That you do not receive
Empathy or understanding
In return

Do not yearn for those
Who only crave empathy
And understanding
For themselves

Empathy when not mutual
Can prove harmful
In excess

So too does understanding
Injure the soul
Who understands but is not seen

The one who cries, "How well you know me!"
But does not ask, "How well, then, do I know you?"

Shall never hold true
To the ideal he demands of others

You may have many lovers
Only do not linger with those
Who steal

Generosity is not possible
Without justice

Especially in affairs
of the heart

Trust may only start
When mutuality
Has been assured

And without trust
Love will never flourish
Idiot the man who thought
I could be bought with anything
Other than a heart

Fool the soul who wagered
I could be distracted with glitter
While respect was pilfered

Ah Child, you are no object
For consumption.
No one can purchase
Your devotion.

Light of my eye, you live
And are tried,
But do not fall for those
Who lie and earn their living
Through slight of hand -
Remember love is grander
Than the wildest of promises.

No property, opportunity, adventure,
Amenity, convenience, or title
Matches the value of a human heart
Who has learned to respect
Those who share in its divine art.
Don't ever tell me
I was quick to run

Don't ever say
I should have stayed
Somewhere that turned love
Into a farce of hate and pain

I always gave
What I could give
Longer than I
Could really give it

And no one's arms
Were waiting
To catch me
When I lost it

The wounds were always mine
To claim

Judge me
And you shall be judged
The Adulteress
Against the still common tactic that women should be caring, and deserve the suffering they get, and should be shamed if they refuse to put up with it.
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I will live and die
In songs, books,
The eyes of friends

I seek refuge from the Predators
Who suck out the last traces of love
From those alone walking exposed
Along the fringe
I seek refuge
Sometimes being caring means you give your love to the wrong people and end up alone, and once alone one is only a more easy target for people who want to use you instead of enter into a mutual relationship with you.

Words don't exactly fit, but the sound does: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sf8aML… (Over the Rhine: When I Go)
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Do not say you come to defend truth;
For truth, if true, does not need you
For its substance.

Say rather you come to defend access to truth,
As humans o'er the ages
Have turned cleverness into a game
That keeps them veiled and hidden
From truth.
I ran across this quote and wanted to share,
"When the narcissistic person grows up, they harbor the irrational belief that the person they choose for a partner will give them perfect love and make up for all the hurts and slights of their life. People with severe narcissistic traits long for an ideal love to soothe their fragile sense of self. This yearning for getting unconditional love is an unresolved need left over from childhood. Most adults realize unconditional love would be nice, but understand that it rarely happens as people we love usually hold us accountable for our actions in some way. As we should be --no one should be allowed to impose their neediness and bad behavior on others."  - Dr. Lynne Namka

(source: www.angriesout.com/grown17.htm)

Especially on sites like DA, there is a lot of artwork that depicts idealizations of love. And artistically speaking, I think it's okay to represent love in such a way - because art idealizes things in a way that helps us see the beauty or truth in them more clearly. But art is not life. Statistics show that as a society we are becoming increasingly narcissistic, which also means our expectations about love are arguably getting out of touch with reality. I don't think education and progressive values necessarily lead to unrealistic relationship expectation or narcissistic traits (I have found people without progressive values to be narcissistic too), but I do think that the emphasis on human freedom only has real traction insofar as it also emphasizes our interpersonal identity and the subsequent call to accountability. Narcissism is the opposite of accountability - someone with narcissistic traits cannot face their own failures (whether professional with invulnerable narcissism, or interpersonal with vulnerable narcissism) and must blame them on something outside them. This contrasts with their idealized fantasies on the inside, painting the world in artificial black and white shades which neither help that person nor help those around that person.

Anyway, back to love. Love can be a wonderful thing, and it rightly is the sort of stuff that makes the world go round. But love is never perfect, and using the dream of idealized unconditional love as an escape from engaging the real world - full of love, indifference, and even hostility - only keeps us from discovering ourselves as loving individuals.

It is natural to want to right the wrongs of the past, to want to heal and flourish, but love never comes from tyranny. I quote again from the same source as above:
"In the narcissistic mind, there is a gap between the idealized love and the actual day-to-day dealings with their partner. They long for symbiosis with the idealized love to stabilize the self, but they fear being traumatized by the partner. They seek refuge in being seen as the good guy and try to gain approval and recognition. When this does not come forth readily, they feel wounded, hurt and attacked. Family members learn to back off from confronting them about their behavior and not "hurt their feelings." Without someone to put the brakes on their unhealthy and abusive behavior, they can become tyrants."

Boundaries, loving rebukes (not verbal or emotional abuse), and constructive criticism are great things to learn how to do and to respect. Boundaries don't make us cold and they don't keep us from loving. Rather they are like the beams of a house, holding up the walls so there is a stable space to walk around, live, enjoy one another, and enjoy privacy. When a person has to feel in control in order to love she or he is trying to be the wall of the house and a person in the house at the same time. It doesn't work. The house falls down, injuring and smothering everyone. Those in such a collapsing house should learn to step out, to move back, and to reset their own boundaries. Staying in a collapsing building with someone who does not recognize the house is falling down is not an act of heroism, it is short-sighted and can lead to great harm to oneself, one's dependents (i.e. children), and fails to save the person who thinks she or he is in control.

On that note, a final quote:
"Real love in a family is a combination of checks and balances--calling a person on his inappropriate behavior when necessary and giving enthusiastic support for strivings for growth. Unconditional love given to disrespectful or destructive behavior reinforces the Perpetrator role as it does not provide any motivation for change. Unconditional love given to rescuing, enabling or victim behavior enhances continuing dysfunction. Real love is honest and asks the people in the family to become the best they can be without shaming or guilting. The ability to share feelings honestly and respectfully is one sign of healthy behavior in a family. Real love communicates a belief of positive regard for the person. It expects and gives respect to all family members."

(same author as above, different article: www.angriesout.com/grown20.htm)



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squibblyquill
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:iconlivelovemaria:
Livelovemaria Featured By Owner 3 days ago  New member Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you for favoriting my painting
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:iconsquibblyquill:
squibblyquill Featured By Owner 3 days ago
My pleasure! : )
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:iconmerles:
Merles Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2015
Thank you for the fav :) !
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:iconsquibblyquill:
squibblyquill Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2015
YW : )
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:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
thankyou for watching, Squib.
i like your poetry, so i'll watch
you too... :)
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:iconsquibblyquill:
squibblyquill Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2015
Thanks for the watch as well! I look forward to reading more of your stuff.
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:iconhelianajamai:
HelianaJamai Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hello and thank you so much for the llama!

Have a wonderful day ahead Huggle! 
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:iconsquibblyquill:
squibblyquill Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2015
Hug 
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:icongino1981:
GINO1981 Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the llama ;) Wish you a nice weekend.
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:iconscheinbar:
scheinbar Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I love deviantART!   thanks  St. Patricks Day! St. Patricks Day! St. Patricks Day!
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