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In Lebanon, one of my housemates loved music. He'd play music all day. And I especially liked it when this song came on his playlist. I hadn't heard it before, but the lyrics touched me -- a sort of wisened optimism about the power of relating to others.
'Awake My Soul' by Mumford and Sons
How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes
I struggle to find any truth in your lies
And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know
My weakness I feel I must finally show
Lend me your hand and we'll conquer them all
But lend me your heart and I'll just let you fall
Lend me your eyes I can change what you see
But your soul you must keep, totally free
Har har, har har
har har, har har
awake my soul...
awake my soul...
How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes
I struggle to find any truth in your lies
And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know
My weakness I feel I must finally show
Har har, har har
har har, har har
In these bodies we will live,
in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love,
you invest your life
In these bodies we will live,
in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love,
you invest your life
awake my soul...
awake my soul...
awake my soul...
For you were made to meet your maker
awake my soul...
awake my soul...
awake my soul...
For you were made to meet your maker
You were made to meet your maker
Link to youtube song: www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBaauZ…
'Awake My Soul' by Mumford and Sons
How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes
I struggle to find any truth in your lies
And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know
My weakness I feel I must finally show
Lend me your hand and we'll conquer them all
But lend me your heart and I'll just let you fall
Lend me your eyes I can change what you see
But your soul you must keep, totally free
Har har, har har
har har, har har
awake my soul...
awake my soul...
How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes
I struggle to find any truth in your lies
And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know
My weakness I feel I must finally show
Har har, har har
har har, har har
In these bodies we will live,
in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love,
you invest your life
In these bodies we will live,
in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love,
you invest your life
awake my soul...
awake my soul...
awake my soul...
For you were made to meet your maker
awake my soul...
awake my soul...
awake my soul...
For you were made to meet your maker
You were made to meet your maker
Link to youtube song: www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBaauZ…
Jennifer Freyd, a name to remember
I don't know why it's taken me this long to learn the name of Jennifer Freyd, the psychologist who works on interpersonal and institutional trauma. She coined the term DARVO (when abusers Deny, Accuse, Reverse Victim and Offender roles) as well as betrayal blindness and institutional betrayal. I am passionate about trauma, healing, justice, doing better. And her work is the backbone of so much of the new research on interpersonal violence and recovery. I've heard references to DARVO I don't how many times at this point. For those who struggle to find love in the wake of trauma, this is gold. Whether you want the empirical research side of things (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIFBts9s56o) or a much more practical framework for the everyday (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmwPb8AxxVI). One of the sad but common trends in interpersonal violence is that it's often made worse by institutions that condone the violence or punish survivors who seek justice. That was certainly the case
Mass-ive
I have named my mass the mother wound. The weight of a newborn. My body's attempt to compartmentalize the primal wound of youth and its aftershocks in adulthood. Idiopathic. Psychogenetic. Years of medical gaslighting, years for it to grow, years for it to degenerate, denature. Years of pain, muted disability I was too afraid to claim because doctors acted like it was all in my head. Years of failed self-advocacy. Still, I've known for years that my relationship with trauma is not one of weakness. It is my resilience that allows me to present as functional even when I'm long past all limits. It is my resilience that allows me to choose courage even when all I want to do is run or freeze. And it was my personality to think that it was my responsibility to put up with abuse and negligence, since I was strong enough to weather it, rather than stand up for myself. I do not blame the mass. It has been standing up for me, in its way. I was ignoring myself. The mass tells me I cannot ignore
Tips to Honor your Heart
A lot of us live with a scale inside us that sets us up for loneliness. That scale weighs other people's good traits above their potentially harmful traits, which can mean that we keep folks around because we see their destructive behaviors with rose-colored glasses. That same scale weighs the needs of others above our own basic needs. It also tends to undervalue our good qualities. If you live with such a scale inside your heart, you may think love is a game where if you jump through enough hoops one day you'll get lucky and that person who looked down on you or didn't see you will suddenly accept you wholly, like in a fairy tale. You might neglect yourself in the hope that one day you'll be seen and safe with another. Living this way is a sure-fire recipe for self-abandonment. It leads to bitter loneliness and self-sabotaging neglect that can only be cured when we turn towards ourselves with the same love and care we so freely threw out in the world hoping it would come back to
Stress and isolation: growth after dearth
The individual physiology cannot be separated from the psychological and social environment. This is one of Gabor Mate's core claims. I realize Gabor Mate is not everyone's cup of tea, but I do think he has some important messages on trauma and chronic illness. Basically, he has devoted his life work to working out the connection between trauma and chronic illness. As a child of a Holocaust survivor, his own medical and professional interest have their roots in his own personal journey. This video in particular is a good representation of some of his main ideas: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rik5E7wey0w ("How to reset your body from chronic stress Dr Gabor will uncover reason why we get chronic illnesses") One of the most impactful things that hit me was how stress alone and social isolation alone don't necessarily increase our risk factors for disease. But together they do. Years ago when I first heard this, it was like something clicked inside me. An "aha" moment. There were
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