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Today I had the privilege of singing a few Russian songs with good company. My favorite of the bunch was 'The Slender Rowan Tree.' It's a very sad song about a little Rowan tree who feels very alone in the world, but looks across the river and sees a great oak, also alone like her. She sings of her love for the oak, but laments that she will never be able to join him.
It's better as a choral piece in many ways, but I sang it once through for memory's sake, and because I love the song. It's close to my heart, reminds me of aspects or times of my life, but also is my heart's empathy for anyone with a big heart who feels like an orphaned soul doomed to sway forever alone in the cold winter wind.
Words in Translation:
translation (with Russian parallel) from: lyricstranslate.com/en/%D1%82%…
It's better as a choral piece in many ways, but I sang it once through for memory's sake, and because I love the song. It's close to my heart, reminds me of aspects or times of my life, but also is my heart's empathy for anyone with a big heart who feels like an orphaned soul doomed to sway forever alone in the cold winter wind.
WAV
No PreviewWords in Translation:
"Why do you rustle as you sway,
Slender rowan,
With your head bent
To the wooden fence?"
And across the road,
Beyond a wide river,
There stands a solitary
Tall oak.
"If only I, a rowan,
Could move closer to the oak.
Then I would stop
Bending and swaying.
With my thin branches
I would press against him,
And with his leaves
I would whisper day and night.
But there's no way a rowan
Can move closer to an oak!
And like an orphan,
I will sway alone for all eternity."
translation (with Russian parallel) from: lyricstranslate.com/en/%D1%82%…
Jennifer Freyd, a name to remember
I don't know why it's taken me this long to learn the name of Jennifer Freyd, the psychologist who works on interpersonal and institutional trauma. She coined the term DARVO (when abusers Deny, Accuse, Reverse Victim and Offender roles) as well as betrayal blindness and institutional betrayal. I am passionate about trauma, healing, justice, doing better. And her work is the backbone of so much of the new research on interpersonal violence and recovery. I've heard references to DARVO I don't how many times at this point. For those who struggle to find love in the wake of trauma, this is gold. Whether you want the empirical research side of things (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIFBts9s56o) or a much more practical framework for the everyday (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmwPb8AxxVI). One of the sad but common trends in interpersonal violence is that it's often made worse by institutions that condone the violence or punish survivors who seek justice. That was certainly the case
Mass-ive
I have named my mass the mother wound. The weight of a newborn. My body's attempt to compartmentalize the primal wound of youth and its aftershocks in adulthood. Idiopathic. Psychogenetic. Years of medical gaslighting, years for it to grow, years for it to degenerate, denature. Years of pain, muted disability I was too afraid to claim because doctors acted like it was all in my head. Years of failed self-advocacy. Still, I've known for years that my relationship with trauma is not one of weakness. It is my resilience that allows me to present as functional even when I'm long past all limits. It is my resilience that allows me to choose courage even when all I want to do is run or freeze. And it was my personality to think that it was my responsibility to put up with abuse and negligence, since I was strong enough to weather it, rather than stand up for myself. I do not blame the mass. It has been standing up for me, in its way. I was ignoring myself. The mass tells me I cannot ignore
Tips to Honor your Heart
A lot of us live with a scale inside us that sets us up for loneliness. That scale weighs other people's good traits above their potentially harmful traits, which can mean that we keep folks around because we see their destructive behaviors with rose-colored glasses. That same scale weighs the needs of others above our own basic needs. It also tends to undervalue our good qualities. If you live with such a scale inside your heart, you may think love is a game where if you jump through enough hoops one day you'll get lucky and that person who looked down on you or didn't see you will suddenly accept you wholly, like in a fairy tale. You might neglect yourself in the hope that one day you'll be seen and safe with another. Living this way is a sure-fire recipe for self-abandonment. It leads to bitter loneliness and self-sabotaging neglect that can only be cured when we turn towards ourselves with the same love and care we so freely threw out in the world hoping it would come back to
Stress and isolation: growth after dearth
The individual physiology cannot be separated from the psychological and social environment. This is one of Gabor Mate's core claims. I realize Gabor Mate is not everyone's cup of tea, but I do think he has some important messages on trauma and chronic illness. Basically, he has devoted his life work to working out the connection between trauma and chronic illness. As a child of a Holocaust survivor, his own medical and professional interest have their roots in his own personal journey. This video in particular is a good representation of some of his main ideas: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rik5E7wey0w ("How to reset your body from chronic stress Dr Gabor will uncover reason why we get chronic illnesses") One of the most impactful things that hit me was how stress alone and social isolation alone don't necessarily increase our risk factors for disease. But together they do. Years ago when I first heard this, it was like something clicked inside me. An "aha" moment. There were
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